and WE KNOW!!

I'm gonna be honest about this.   I know alot of you have had the same feelings and thoughts.  Some days, I pray so hard for something, and it just seems that those prayers bounce off the ceiling unanswered and hit me slap in the face again just a few seconds after I say them.  I KNOW this isn't the case, I know it.  I know our Father hears all we say and talk to Him about, but really, I am human, and somedays, God isn't ready to answer all my prayers right then and there.   I honestly have never come in front of God and expected Him to just thunderously make His voice known.   In 1 Kings 19: 11 - 13, the Bible states, "Then HE said, "Go out, and stand on the mountain before the LORD.  And behold, the LORD passed by, and a great strong wind tore into the mountains and broke the rocks in pieces before the LORD, but the LORD was not in the wind; and after the wind an earthquake, but the LORD was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire; and after the fire A STILL SMALL VOICE.  So it was, when Elijah heard it (the still small voice), that he wrapped his face in his mantle and went out and stood in the entrance of the cave........"

Ok, so first, why do I not expect this loud thunderous voice, and basically a "Here's Your Sign?," from God all the time? BECAUSE, just as Elijah found out, sometimes we really have to PAY ATTENTION and give NOTICE to the small details.   We can find God and His answers to us there.    I've always loved this scripture.  It lets me know that I shouldn't get discouraged if all these "loud" and "busy" things around me in this world are happening, I just need to LISTEN to the subtle hints, the gentle nudges, and the small whisper in my heart that my Heavenly Father gives me from time to time (much more often than a fire, earthquake, or a wind would). 

So anyway, that really wasn't what I was intending to blog about, but I think it ties in nicely to what my original intentions were.   So, as many of you know (or might not know, please refer to my post yesterday), we are trying to find out exactly what we're gonna have to do to have a biological child of our own.   Over the past several months, I have worried, stressed, cried, and broke down over why God seems to be putting these problems in my life and makes it so easy in others.   I have quite a peace now that we have made the first step and talked to the doctor yesterday.  But before then (and I'm sure I was still ask this some during our treatment), it was, "WHY, GOD, WHY ME GOD? WHY WHY WHY?"   I must admit I have done some mourning. There have been days that I have dwelt on our situation and was very discouraged, very gloomy and down.   JD has been so positive towards me, and told me that we need to pray, we need to seek God through this; there is a reason this is happening to us.    Some of you might not believe things happen for a reason or that God ALLOWS (not makes) things to happen to us for a reason, but I honestly do.   And even if you don't, I please encourage you to read my thoughts through tonight, I hope it will bless you and make you think from my point of view for at least a few minutes. 

So, I was sitting on the couch about an hour ago, eating a peant butter and chocolate cupcake and peanut M&M's  (the dr told me to GAIN 5-7 pounds, ha!), and I was thinking about a few different things that have happened over the past 2 days.  A friend from school has richly blessed me and encouraged me the past few weeks, and I was thanking God for that.  It's been a tremendous help.  But then, "WHY?" came up again.  Not really a "WHY ME, GOD, WHY?," but more, "I really want to know why."   One of my FAVORITE scriptures popped in my head.  I want to share it with you.  Romans 8:28 - "And WE KNOW that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His puprose."     WOW! That is powerful.   GOD tells us in His own words that He is gonna take care of His kids!!!!!  What a blessing, what a comfort, what a PEACE!  It has really encouraged me tonight, brothers and sisters.   I definitely love God, and I want to love Him even more and grow closer to Him even more just KNOWING that He is going to take care of me, better than I can take care of even myself!!!! What LOVE is that????   It is an awesome, unexplainable kind of love that only YOU can know when you experience it.   I know God is going to bless JD and me.  I believe without a doubt I will walk away from this IVF journey BLESSED, however my Father above sees fit to bless us.   I want to bless you, God, for blessing me!! Prepare in me a clean heart! I am ready.   



Are you?





Love you all,
Emily

1st Appointment

So, today we had our 1st IVF appointment   We made this appointment over two months ago.  Prior to that, we had some individual testing done, one of which included Cystic Fibrosis gene carrier status for me.  I am NEGATIVE for that, thank goodness!!!!  Anyway, so, we went to see Dr Inge from Mobile to talk to him about the In-Vitro Fertilization (IVF) process that many "CF" (Cystic Fibrosis) couples have to journey to have a biologically compatible child.  You can learn more about IVF here: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/In_vitro_fertilisation

We learned about how long the whole process from beginning to implantation of embryos would take (around 2 - 3 months).   We also learned some different options to consider for payment and price options.  We could do a program called ATTAIN, which is 3 fresh cycles, for a little more than the price of one fresh cycle.  If we do not get pregnant during those 3 cycles, they refund us around 70 % of our money back.   There is also something called a Share-Risk Program, where I will be stimulated to produce a bunch of eggs for IVF (normal for IVF procedure anyway).   If I make 8 or more eggs, they split the eggs down the middle and half are donated to a couple that otherwise would not be able to have kids.  I was kind of "iffy" on this at first, but after talking to a few friends and to the doctor, it is something I am considering.  Not only does it reduce the cost of IVF by 2/3 of the price (which is not the real issue here), but it also helps others that can't have kids without donor eggs.  Keep in mind, it would just be EGGS we share, not actually EMBRYOS.  Anyway,  the doctor said that "4" seems to be the magic number in developing eggs into embryos, so now I am not a firm believer in keeping all "x" amount of eggs that I have (whether it be 12, 25, or 40).  

I have to have a hysterosalpingogram (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hysterosalpingograph) before we actually start the IVF process.  Dr Inge said he will prescribe a pain pill and some Valium to use before the procedure, as it can be quite uncomfortable for some. 

Dr Inge also told me I was the perfect candidate for IVF, due to my young age and lack of OBGYN problems.  We really only have to do this due to the Cystic Fibrosis side of infertility -- en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cystic_fibrosis

So, anyway, now comes the time of fundraising and getting money for this whole process, since our insurance DOES NOT cover it.  We are currently working on a cookbook, yard sales, and coupon classes (because I LOOOOVE to coupon and wanna share my wealth of knowledge!!) .   If you would like to donate to our cause or help out in any way, please feel free to contact me! We would love all the help we can get to get some Lil Jenkins running around here! :)

Other than that, I also had to go to the walk-in clinic today b/c I had a fever at the OBGYN and was feeling kinda "icky" in the sinus area, anyway.   It appears that I have a sinus infection.  My strep test was negative (Thank you, Lord!).  So, please pray for me and for my healing, as we go on vacation this upcoming Saturday, and I want to be  able to relax and enjoy our time off and away from the daily routine here.  

Thanks for tuning in to our lives today!  Until later!
Love, Emily (and JD)  :)